As a mom, I feel a lot of guilt throughout the day. Guilt that I am working and not home with the kids, guilt that I have to tell Buster to wait while I do something for Little Miss, guilt that I don’t spend enough time with my husband, guilt that I don’t spend enough time in the Word, guilt that I need to do homework when we should be outside enjoying the sun, guilt that my house hasn’t been cleaned in a while, guilt that I am not home to put the kids to bed because I am at the gym, guilt that I am not at the gym more, guilt that I don’t get to spend more time with my friends, guilt that sometimes, I am just too tired to do anything and go to bed at 9:00. There are way to many things to be guilty for.

Then I look at that list and ask myself, is it worth it? I think the issue that is causing me the most frustration is school. Right now, I am looking at what class I am going to take next semester and I will not be able to take an online class so that means there will be 2 nights a week that I will not be home and if I try to go to the gym after work a couple nights that will mean an 4 nights away. I am struggling with trying to fit everything in. I know that every mom/woman wishes for just a couple of extra hours in the day to finish the to do list but because there isn’t I have to learn how to prioritize and manage my time better. I still strongly feel that continuing on with my degree is what God wants for me, but I just don’t know how to fit it in. The past week I have been questioning if I really should be going back to school and then I remember why I want to go into nursing and remember that one day, I will have my degree and these sacrifices will be worth it.

Now I have to ask myself, what can I really sacrifice, it’s not like I go out and party it up on the town all the time! As easy as it would be to drop going to the gym, it is that much more important that I continue to go. I need that time for me to rejuvenate and help me get to a place where I can outrun Buster on the soccer field and keep up with Little Miss crawling everywhere.

So, yes, right now, the sacrifices are worth it because I know that in the end, they will pay off. Please, if I start to get frustrated or talk like I am going to give up being healthy or finishing school, give me a swift kick in the pants.

In other news, I have my doctors appointment on Wednesday, so we will be see if I reached my first goal! Image(there were a few different cameras so we were all looking a different ones.)

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I have to admit, it has been a tough couple of weeks, as evident in my lack of posts. It is funny how life gets in the way of life. One week, Hubs was out of town on business, which left it hard to get to the gym between work, school, soccer and homework. The next week, I was out of town, in a town that knows how to prepare some amazing food, New Orleans. While I did have a chance to get to the gym in the hotel, I don’t feel as though I was able to make the right food choices, or go to the gym as often as I could have.

It is so easy to make excuses as to why I can’t lose weight or go exercise, or a myriad of other things. These excuses are not getting me closer to my goal. It would be easy to list the excuse and hold a “woe is me” party, but that won’t get me anywhere. So, I am going to celebrate the small things: I actually got up and went to the gym yesterday before work, today, I walked 3.13 miles in 42 minutes at lunch today, and I am only 2 pounds away from my first weight goal of 300 lbs. by Oct. 16. Also, we got our flight and hotel booked for NYC.

On another note, I keep looking at all the cute clothes in my closet from pre-pregnancy and they keep calling to me. I determined to fit into them, if not this winter, then for sure by next winter.

So, I know this post is all over the place, but it is time to get back into the swing of things and stop making excuses. 

Exercise to stimulate, not to annihilate. The world wasn’t formed in a day, and neither were we. Set small goals and build upon them. ~ Lee Haney

Of course in my mind, I have my big goal, for total weight loss. But, I know that I need to start with smaller goals. So these are my goals to complete by the end of the year:

  • Walk/Jog 3.1 miles in 40 minutes or less!
  • Lose 8+ pounds by my annual physical in mid Oct.
  • Lose 15 pounds total by our birthday trip to NYC in November
  • Lose 25 pounds total by the end of the year

I also have lifestyle goals that I know I need to reignite to make this a permanent way of life:

  • Be in the gym at least 4 days a week
  • Drink 100 ounces of water or green tea a day
  • Weather permitting, walk at my lunch hour at least twice a week
  • Prepare lunches on Sunday’s for the week and menu plan dinners
  • Track all food that enters my mouth

I have to remember to celebrate the small victories and be proud of reaching each of these goals.

A dear friend told me, “You didn’t gain the weight overnight, so you won’t lose it over night.” I think this is one of the most frustrating parts of trying to lose weight, not only for me, but for everyone who is trying to lose weight. This is one of the reasons why so many people give up trying lose the weight. Accomplishing these small goals will help me to stay focused on the bigger picture.

Please feel free to ask me about these goals, especially the lifestyle goals.

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It’s about me. Of course it is; who else would it be about? It’s about me taking time for myself to get healthy. As a wife and mom of two who is also working full time it is easy to put other people and things before myself, but not any more. Of course my family and responsibilities will always have a prominent place in my life, but I need to take time for myself to get healthy so I can live actively with my family, instead of watching them from the sidelines.

I am restarting this journey 9 months after the birth of my daughter and having gained back almost all the weight I lost before I got pregnant with her.  I can’t believe I have let myself get back up to 310. I can beat myself up over it or I can do something about it. It is time to do something about it. I have been given the tools I need to travel on this journey, now I just need to take that first step.

According to Webster’s Dictionary the definition of vulnerable is: open to attack or damage. And the definition of responsible is being willing to answer for one’s conduct or actions. That is my desire for this blog, to be vulnerable and responsible for my actions. I am both excited and nervous to put myself out there, but know that the encouragement will help me along on this journey.